i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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