You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
