We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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