how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
