if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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