Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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