you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
