Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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