walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
