Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
vagina is talking i cant
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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