just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
