did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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