Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
