How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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