I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
