The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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