I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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