My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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