paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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