so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
