return my video game
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
