I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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