nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
