You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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