i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
