"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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