Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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