Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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