I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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