So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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