i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
