I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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