Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize