She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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