Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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