Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
