I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
