Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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