I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We just shotgunned beers for America
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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