Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
