I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
