I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
