So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
