you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
