she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sext me about skeletons
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
