I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
