Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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