you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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