This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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