I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
