I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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