Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she told me i tasted like america
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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