Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
