Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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