Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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