Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
