I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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