Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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