Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
