either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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