dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
