you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Watching her eat just hurts me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
