Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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