last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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