so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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